Monday, July 30, 2007

Chicks (without dicks) in the Oval Office

Now I am not some hairy-legged feminist, but come on!!! What's up with this country? Why is the most notable woman to come out of the White House lately is Monica Lewinsky?

I guess what inspired this entry of mine is the fact that India had its first female president elected (congrats to Pratibha Patil). India! Where they still have honor killings of girls who dare talk to boys and female infanticide. Where you still can't show any affection in public. Where only a fraction of women get education. Now we pride ourselves on equality and human rights and progress and ... damn it, men get more manicures than women nowadays, yet we still haven't had a female president. And we've had candidates since 1872 (though I find it odd that women were able to run for presidency before they even had a right to vote).

I'm not saying go out there and vote for Hillary, just cause she's a woman. If you don't agree with her policies, please, tell her to go fuck herself. But what I'm saying is don't go out there and NOT vote for Hillary, just cause she's a woman.

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

I'm ready for my close up, Mr. Deville.

Lately I've been somewhat realizing my childhood dream of being a movie star. And I didn't have to sleep with anyone I didn't want to.

First, I took a class on Video, where I got to write, direct, operate the camera, edit and provide the soundtrack for my own movies. The apex of that career was appearing in a cameo as Jen's love interest in a film noir. It came out really well actually and was a ton of fun.

Then at work, I got to script and act in this infomercial about our department's services. I got to play this futuristic "retard-subduer" so to speak. Also I had a very important role as a secretary delivering printouts from a printer. Very important role. The whole movie would not make an ounce of sense if it wasn't for her. She's like the Tom Cruise in Mission Impossible. Right now the movie's in post-production and hopefully does my role justice once completed.

Yes, I am one with the art of film making. Eat this, Martin Scorsese!

Friday, June 22, 2007

Hangover remedy

My famed hangover remedy failed me.

That is all.

7 Things You Didn't Know About Me

(Jen insisted on this and I'm sure she's be the only one reading this)

1. I used to LOVE the Spice Girls in their heyday (what was it, 1997?) I used to practice saying "girl power" with a British accent.

2. I've never been to a shrink. When I had emotional issues as a child, my I would be taken to holistic healer. Therapy usually constituted of them squishing my head between their palms, whispering something ominous and then boiling some lard to see what shape it'd take. It clearly worked as I am now a perfectly well adjusted mature individual.

3. I spent a day in a sauna naked with my uncle. I was 21 and he was in his early 30s.

4. My cat has a black circle around his belly button and a black garter around his hind left leg.

5. I've met Dalai Lama. He was very chill.

6. I haven't done any illegal drugs within a 6 month period.

7. One of the above mentioned statements is a lie.

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

T & A

<--This is not me

<--Those are real (as in, not Photoshopped). Meaning, this poor girl really has tits that size.

I went to see some friends of the family some time back and there was this 80-something year old sweet lady there whom I haven't seen in a couple of year. Just a couple of years, mind you, and I'm 25, so I probably last saw her when I was about 23 and fully developed. So we're having nice barbecue and in the middle of it she leans over to her daughter and whispers to her. I mean, I'm sure it was meant to be a whisper, but she's hard of hearing so it came out loud enough for everyone to hear it. She whispers this: "Did Kat get implants? Can you ask her mom?" So of course everyone there turns to me and starts analyzing whether I got implants or not. For the record, I did not.

Viva La Canada.....

These are a few observations about my trip to Canada. I'm not going to be writing about all the sightseeing crap, such as the undeniably beautiful Niagara Falls and Toronto's CN Tower, cuz you'll get a better idea using Google images anyway. Instead I'll write about a few observations I've made about Canda.

  1. Mystery of a Canadian Dollar:
    Ah... Canadian dollars. As in any tourist trap, I'd expected to get raped up the ass, but Canadians take their rapage to a whole new level. First, it's a known fact that Canadian Dollars are cheaper than American dollars, yet everywhere they exchange it on a one-to-one basis. Then there are taxes. I think the taxes add another 25% to your bill. There are things called G.S.T., P.S.T. and DTF or something like that. Lunches would run us up a cool $50, whereas dinners crossed the $200 mark. And I did not have lunches anywhere fancy, just your standard Denny's lunch. By the way, Canada pretty much has the same chains as the States, t.g.i.Friday's, Hooters and fucking more Starbucks than you could shake a stick at. Prime example of anal rapage -- Haagen Dazs Ice Cream (which apparently does not exist in Dark Chocolate flavor in Canada). That Ice Cream would normally cost at most $3 in Manhatten, in Canada it ran up $4.99 plus tax. I refused to buy it. I'd rather take it up the ass from Uncle Sam than from... I don't know... the maple leaf...?
  2. Mystery of the Weasel:
    We went to this place called "The Fun Zone" which had all sorts of toys and other crap, when we saw this video of an amazing weasel toy that apparently blows all the other toys known to mankind out of the water. This amazing video showed the weasel running through guys fingers, over his hat all the while as a group of impressionable young kids saying "ooh wow, how does he do that!". Pedophile's dream. So Basar almost wets his pants and stars grabbing the weasels off the shelf. I advised him to slow down and just buy one and try it out and see how it works. Which is what he did (for $3.99 plus Canadian tax/rape). The secret of the amazing weasel lies in that it has a couple of feet of fishing line attached to its nose and then it has a circle of cardboard attached to the other end of the fishing line. And the weasel itself is a fluffy rag with googly eyes glued to it. It also comes with a small booklet of instructions of how to do all those tricks shown in the video, which all concluded with "tuck the cardboard circle behind your belt" Ironically enough, on the same day we went to see Greg Frewin's magic show, which failed in comparison to the Amazing Weasel tricks.
  3. Mystery of the Canadian vending Machine:
    The Niagara Falls reminded me of Atlantic City. The streets are lined in flashy hotels and there are a couple of Casinos along the shore. As we've found out late Saturday night, there is another form of gambling in Canada, and it's called Vending Machines. At like 2 AM Basar and I just wanted to get some orange Juice. The vending machine on our floor (the 6th floor) did not have orange juice but when it returned our change, it doubled it. We tried it again, but we ran out of luck so it would refund the right amount. We took the elevator up to the 14th floor, as we wanted to get a couple of bottles. On the 14th floor, the juice was not available. On the 13th floor, we got our juice AND it spit our money back out. All the other attempts at getting more free juice from that machine failed, as it would just spit the coin back out without dispensing anything. After trying a few more floors (not finding any machines at all on some floors) we came back down to the 7th floor, where the machine took our money and gave us nothing back -- no juice, no refund. Of course we had to press our luck again and it ate more of our money. At which point we came out even with our winning and losses. But unlike a casino, where no one gives a fuck, we had the audacity to go to the hotel manager and tell him that a vending machine ate our money. He was nice enough to give us 2 bottles of juice for free. Ironically, he did not go to the vending machine that was right next to his desk. as he explained that it "works wierd". Like the rest of them don't. But all in all, after 30 mins. of running up and down the stairs, we got 2 bottles of free juice that night.

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

The weather

In an attempt to keep up this blog, I will post an entry about the weather. Let me start off by saying Global Warming my ass. There is definitely something funky going on with the weather but I wouldn't call it warming. It's the end of April and I'm still wearing my down-stuffed winter jacket. Yeah, it was 80 degrees 2 days ago, but it was also 30 degrees 4 days ago and 50 degrees today. Not to mention record-breaking rainfall. I better see a shitload of some mutant-huge May flowers next month. Oh, on the day of the 80 degree weather I was stuck at home working on projects? Fucking beautiful...
Since I'm about done with school, I'm waiting for Mr. Sun to turn its ugly side to me. Part the skies and so on...
Oh and the weather forecasters are the worst liars ever. I got by my own observation predicting the weather. Here's a sign that never fails. If I take my umbrella, it'll be bright and sunny. If I leave my umbrella at home -- category 5 storm strikes.