Friday, June 22, 2007

Hangover remedy


My famed hangover remedy failed me.

That is all.

7 Things You Didn't Know About Me


(Jen insisted on this and I'm sure she's be the only one reading this)





1. I used to LOVE the Spice Girls in their heyday (what was it, 1997?) I used to practice saying "girl power" with a British accent.

2. I've never been to a shrink. When I had emotional issues as a child, my I would be taken to holistic healer. Therapy usually constituted of them squishing my head between their palms, whispering something ominous and then boiling some lard to see what shape it'd take. It clearly worked as I am now a perfectly well adjusted mature individual.

3. I spent a day in a sauna naked with my uncle. I was 21 and he was in his early 30s.

4. My cat has a black circle around his belly button and a black garter around his hind left leg.

5. I've met Dalai Lama. He was very chill.

6. I haven't done any illegal drugs within a 6 month period.

7. One of the above mentioned statements is a lie.

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

T & A

<--This is not me

<--Those are real (as in, not Photoshopped). Meaning, this poor girl really has tits that size.

I went to see some friends of the family some time back and there was this 80-something year old sweet lady there whom I haven't seen in a couple of year. Just a couple of years, mind you, and I'm 25, so I probably last saw her when I was about 23 and fully developed. So we're having nice barbecue and in the middle of it she leans over to her daughter and whispers to her. I mean, I'm sure it was meant to be a whisper, but she's hard of hearing so it came out loud enough for everyone to hear it. She whispers this: "Did Kat get implants? Can you ask her mom?" So of course everyone there turns to me and starts analyzing whether I got implants or not. For the record, I did not.

Viva La Canada.....


These are a few observations about my trip to Canada. I'm not going to be writing about all the sightseeing crap, such as the undeniably beautiful Niagara Falls and Toronto's CN Tower, cuz you'll get a better idea using Google images anyway. Instead I'll write about a few observations I've made about Canda.

  1. Mystery of a Canadian Dollar:
    Ah... Canadian dollars. As in any tourist trap, I'd expected to get raped up the ass, but Canadians take their rapage to a whole new level. First, it's a known fact that Canadian Dollars are cheaper than American dollars, yet everywhere they exchange it on a one-to-one basis. Then there are taxes. I think the taxes add another 25% to your bill. There are things called G.S.T., P.S.T. and DTF or something like that. Lunches would run us up a cool $50, whereas dinners crossed the $200 mark. And I did not have lunches anywhere fancy, just your standard Denny's lunch. By the way, Canada pretty much has the same chains as the States, t.g.i.Friday's, Hooters and fucking more Starbucks than you could shake a stick at. Prime example of anal rapage -- Haagen Dazs Ice Cream (which apparently does not exist in Dark Chocolate flavor in Canada). That Ice Cream would normally cost at most $3 in Manhatten, in Canada it ran up $4.99 plus tax. I refused to buy it. I'd rather take it up the ass from Uncle Sam than from... I don't know... the maple leaf...?
  2. Mystery of the Weasel:
    We went to this place called "The Fun Zone" which had all sorts of toys and other crap, when we saw this video of an amazing weasel toy that apparently blows all the other toys known to mankind out of the water. This amazing video showed the weasel running through guys fingers, over his hat all the while as a group of impressionable young kids saying "ooh wow, how does he do that!". Pedophile's dream. So Basar almost wets his pants and stars grabbing the weasels off the shelf. I advised him to slow down and just buy one and try it out and see how it works. Which is what he did (for $3.99 plus Canadian tax/rape). The secret of the amazing weasel lies in that it has a couple of feet of fishing line attached to its nose and then it has a circle of cardboard attached to the other end of the fishing line. And the weasel itself is a fluffy rag with googly eyes glued to it. It also comes with a small booklet of instructions of how to do all those tricks shown in the video, which all concluded with "tuck the cardboard circle behind your belt" Ironically enough, on the same day we went to see Greg Frewin's magic show, which failed in comparison to the Amazing Weasel tricks.
  3. Mystery of the Canadian vending Machine:
    The Niagara Falls reminded me of Atlantic City. The streets are lined in flashy hotels and there are a couple of Casinos along the shore. As we've found out late Saturday night, there is another form of gambling in Canada, and it's called Vending Machines. At like 2 AM Basar and I just wanted to get some orange Juice. The vending machine on our floor (the 6th floor) did not have orange juice but when it returned our change, it doubled it. We tried it again, but we ran out of luck so it would refund the right amount. We took the elevator up to the 14th floor, as we wanted to get a couple of bottles. On the 14th floor, the juice was not available. On the 13th floor, we got our juice AND it spit our money back out. All the other attempts at getting more free juice from that machine failed, as it would just spit the coin back out without dispensing anything. After trying a few more floors (not finding any machines at all on some floors) we came back down to the 7th floor, where the machine took our money and gave us nothing back -- no juice, no refund. Of course we had to press our luck again and it ate more of our money. At which point we came out even with our winning and losses. But unlike a casino, where no one gives a fuck, we had the audacity to go to the hotel manager and tell him that a vending machine ate our money. He was nice enough to give us 2 bottles of juice for free. Ironically, he did not go to the vending machine that was right next to his desk. as he explained that it "works wierd". Like the rest of them don't. But all in all, after 30 mins. of running up and down the stairs, we got 2 bottles of free juice that night.